Christmas after separation or divorce can be emotionally and practically challenging. This blog is part of a mini-series by Claire Macklin, divorce and breakup coach, created in collaboration with Amicus Law, to support you through the festive period with clarity and reassurance.
“I’m planning Christmas presents. My ex always buys the kids really extravagant, over the top gifts. I can’t compete, and it makes me feel both angry and rubbish”
I hear you.
Maybe your ex has more disposable income than you, or different values. Whatever the reason, it can feel like a competition you never signed up for.
Here are 3 ways to handle it:
Focus on your relationship, not the gifts
Spend a few minutes thinking about your relationship with your children. What makes you laugh together? What do you enjoy doing? What lovely things have they said to you over the years?
Remind yourself these moments matter far more than anything that comes with ribbons and a bow. These are the memories that will matter in 10 or 20 years’ time.
Don’t enter the competition
If your ex is trying to buy affection, step out of the race. Children don’t need to be the prize in a competition between their parents. They need to know they are safe, secure and loved.
Give thoughtful, personalised gifts instead
You might not be able to match your ex’s spending power, and a small, meaningful present may mean so much more. Maybe it’s something you’ve made, a book you know they’ll love, a framed photo of a favourite memory – these show you know and see them.
You can’t control what your ex spends or buys, but you absolutely can choose how much time and energy you give away to feeling angry at them. And then you can choose to focus that energy into what values YOU model as a parent.
Whether you need emotional support, practical guidance or legal advice, help is available.
You can speak to Claire Macklin for coaching support around separation and rebuilding, or contact the Amicus Law Family Team for clear, professional family law advice.