Christmas after separation or divorce can be emotionally and practically challenging. This blog is part of a mini-series by Claire Macklin, divorce and breakup coach, created in collaboration with Amicus Law, to support you through the festive period with clarity and reassurance.
What if my ex and his new partner are at the Christmas carol concert
If your stomach drops at the thought of seeing your ex, and perhaps their new partner, at the school carol concert, you’re not alone. These moments can feel unexpectedly raw.
Here are 7 ways to feel calmer and more prepared:
Focus on what you CAN control
As tough as it is, you can’t control whether your ex comes to the concert, or who they bring with them. What you can control is how you prepare, how you support yourself, and how you show up.
Notice your thoughts and reframe
You might be thinking:
- “They’re only bringing the new partner along to rub my nose in it”
- “How dare they do that to me?”.
Notice how these thoughts make you feel. Then switch them for something that empowers you:
- “I can handle this”
- “It might be hard, and I can do hard things”
- “I have the resources I need to stay calm and dignified”
Your thoughts shape your emotional state, and your emotional states shapes how you show up.
Go with support
Arrange to go with a “radiator” friend, someone warm and grounding, or plan to meet them straight afterwards.
Wear clothes that make you feel good
Dress for how you want to feel: calm, confident, in control. Put on your red jacket or your favourite boots and stand tall.
In your imagination, put on your invisible Teflon coat with sloping shoulders and a protective force field.
Prepare some one-liners you can use
Have a couple of short neutral sentences ready, like
“What a lovely play, Billy was great!”
What a performance, I’m so proud”
Practice them so they come easily.
Rehearse the moment in your mind
Your memory and imagination fire the same circuits in your brain, so run the “movie” of the event in your mind:
Getting ready… walking in… using your one-liners… smiling with dignity… leaving feeling proud of yourself…
Do this a few times, so that when the moment comes, your brain will already know what to do.
Breathe, breathe and breathe some more
If anxiety hits, take deep breaths to calm your nervous system. Even 30 seconds can shift you from panic and back into calm.
Whether you need emotional support, practical guidance or legal advice, help is available.
You can speak to Claire Macklin for coaching support around separation and rebuilding, or contact the Amicus Law Family Team for clear, professional family law advice.