Christmas after separation or divorce can be emotionally and practically challenging. This blog is part of a mini-series by Claire Macklin, divorce and breakup coach, created in collaboration with Amicus Law, to support you through the festive period with clarity and reassurance.
If you’re living with your ex while navigating a divorce or separation, it might feel like Christmas is looming like a big dark cloud – how will you get through it in one piece?
Here are some tips to help:
Set your intentions
How do you want to feel at the end of the holidays? Work out how you want to behave, so that you can feel how you want to at the end.
Focus on what you have power over
Yourself! You can’t change your ex, how they might behave or what they might say – your power lies in your responses, and in being the person you want to be.
Use your imagination to help you
Imagine you have an invisible force shield around you, which keeps you safe. Angry words bounce off and deflect.
Plan to have space
Make sure that you both have time to do your own thing, to spend some time apart doing something you love. Arrange to see friends, take some time to do some things that are just for you.
Remind yourself of just one good thing
If your ex drives you potty, think of just one good thing about them – it doesn’t matter what, but this will help you keep your cool.
Stop breathe think respond
Practice box-breathing now, so it is a habit when you need it.
Breathe in and count to 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4. And repeat. Notice how it slows your heart rate and brings calm.
Start by practising every time you boil the kettle, and then use it whenever you feel riled, or that your emotional temperature is rising.
Don’t drink too much!
Lay off the booze this festive season – the last thing you need right now is a drunken argument you can’t remember in the morning…
Whether you need emotional support, practical guidance or legal advice, help is available.
You can speak to Claire Macklin for coaching support around separation and rebuilding, or contact the Amicus Law Family Team for clear, professional family law advice.