Christmas after separation or divorce can be emotionally and practically challenging. This blog is part of a mini-series by Claire Macklin, divorce and breakup coach, created in collaboration with Amicus Law, to support you through the festive period with clarity and reassurance.
“Every year, my ex does the same thing. I email to ask about dates for Christmas, and every year I get no reply until it’s so late all the rest of my family have made their plans. It’s so frustrating!”
Sound familiar? You gear yourself up to email your ex about arrangements for the children, to ask about their plans, and you hear nothing back. You feel stuck, unable to make plans yourself.
What options do you have? Here’s 3:
1: Focus on what you CAN control
You can’t control your ex or make them different. Whatever the reason for their lack of response, shift your focus from frustration with them, and instead put your energy into considering what you could do differently.
2: Communicate differently
If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same result. Instead of asking your ex what their plans are, be proactive. Email your proposed arrangements and ask them to confirm by a certain date. Make it clear that if you don’t hear back, you’ll take that as agreement and go ahead with your plans.
3: Protect your peace
Once you’ve done all you can, step back. Remember their lack of response says more about them than about you. Don’t let their silence or disorganisation dictate your feelings. Redirect your energy into what you have power over – making plans for your time with your children, your friends, your wider family.
You can’t make your ex communicate better, but you can decide not to let it ruin your Christmas.
Whether you need emotional support, practical guidance or legal advice, help is available.
You can speak to Claire Macklin for coaching support around separation and rebuilding, or contact the Amicus Law Family Team for clear, professional family law advice.